Unintended Consequence
Paranoia has paralyzed me for the last three days. Ever since we left the gift of dookie for my downstairs neighbor(s), I've been scared to come home for fear they will have sought retribution. So far, so good. But they'll probably get me when I least expect it.
Posted by E
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South Carolina Politics: What's Not to Love?
After all, we ARE the state that kept electing Strom Thurmond, even when he was urinating all over himself in the halls of congress.

This week it's the Lieutenant Governor's race getting interesting. Aaron at The State discovers current Lt. Governor Andre Bauer got pulled over twice for speeding lately, but never got a ticket. (This happened to him a few years ago, too.)

In the feeding frenzy, someone else discovers Andre 5000mph has a MySpace profile (with nearly 200 friends, btw).

Then, a guy named Henry Jordan -- who, for whatever reason, says his last name is pronounced JER-dan -- joins the race.

Jordan will be forever remembered as the-guy-who-said-"screw-the-Buddhists-and-kill-the-Muslims"-that-one-time. Yep.

I think this is the race I get to cover this primary season. Now if only we could get someone from the Taliban to throw his hat in the ring. Then things would really get fun.
Posted by E
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Vigilante Justice
My neighbors in the apartment below me apparently left town. I know this because their alarm clock has been going off SINCE FRIDAY MORNING. My brain is trying to escape through my ear just to end the torture.

I called the apartment office three times. Complacent "Brad" says there's nothing he can do because he "doesn't usually just go into people's apartments".

I tried the Sheriff's office, trying to get them to do a welfare check in case some old lady lives there and is currently getting eaten by her cats. But the deputy said he won't go unless I KNOW the identity of the person who could be inside.

So, since Stiles (aka my partner in crime) is here, we're gonna take matters into our own hands.

Someone's gonna have a bag of fecal matter on their doorstep in the morning. You know, as a token of our appreciation.
Posted by E
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Dick the Diva
Smoking Gun got a hold of Dick Cheney's "Downtime Requirements". No big surprises here, except perhaps that he likes his room to stay at a chilly 68 degrees. I guess if I were the devil I would need some cooling off, too.

Posted by E
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David Gregory: Still Employed
Looks like the folks at Fire David Gregory have yet to succeed. I think the more important question is, is he just a thorn in Scott McClellan's side, or proof that man evolved from apes? If he is, indeed, The Missing Link, why hide behind the White House reporter veil?

Here's David filling in for Matt Lauer this morning. He looked like he was about to eat Katie.

Posted by E
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M is for Men of the Week
Michael Bolton
R!ppin Richie
Claude "The Fraud" Allen

Stiles Snippet of the Week
"It's become so hard to molotov cocktail buildings these days."
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Absurd Experiences in the Field
The other day, I met one of the most memorable weirdos I've come across in awhile. That's saying a lot, because this place has no shortage of crazy people.

Robot suggested we feature a guy who calls himself Rippin' R!chie. He's a hard core, right-wing, Joel Osteen-reading customer service guy who also happens to teach his badass breakdancing skills to customers around the world. Yep.

The story is here, and Robot has more.
Posted by E
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When a Maaaaaan Loves a Womaaaaaan
Congratulations to my favorite balding, ballad-belting boob, Michael Bolton. He and Nicolette Sheridan used to date back when his Timeless: The Classics album came out and I guess it's their love that's timeless. Heh heh. The reunited couple is now engaged.

In honor of Michael Bolton, the classic Office Space exchange:

MICHAEL: Yeah, well at least your name isn't Michael Bolton.
SAMIR: You know there's nothing wrong with that name.
MICHAEL: There was nothing wrong with it... until I was about 12 years old and that no-talent ass clown became famous and started winning Grammys.
SAMIR: Hmm... well why don't you just go by Mike instead of Michael?
MICHAEL: No way. Why should I change? He's the one who sucks.
Posted by E
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It's the ides of March. Sorry I'm posting about this so late in the day, I didn't come across any soothsayers to remind me.
Posted by E
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Bound to Happen Sometime
The West Wing's Donna and Josh finally smooched!
Outside of that live debate (yawn), I don't know anything that happens after the end of season four. I like to pretend it doesn't exist. I'm watching tonight's episode cause of the kiss, and I can't figure out who half these characters are. Where the eff is Toby?

UPDATE: Photos of the cast taping the final episode in Washington.
-from DCist via Books and Those Who Drink Them
Posted by E
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The Stiles Files
"I'd rather eat my own shit than line dance at a wedding reception."
I guess the electric slide is out.

Men of the Week: Sing-Me-A-Song Edition
Chris Daughtry
Three 6 Mafia
Kim Jong Il, now putting out patriotic love songs! (Though Three 6 Mafia already put out the song "World Domination". Sorry, dear leader.)
Posted by E
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Baby Got Back
I'm back from the great rodeo experience! Saw big butts and I cannot lie. You other brothers can't deny.

Speaking of butts, this kid couldn't stop picking his. Sorry about the soft focus. I was laughing so hard I was shaking.

Speaking of Houston Asses
Andrew Fastow, former CFO of Enron, cried himself a river in court today. Was it remorse, or was he just sad because he's going to federal "pound-me-in-the-ass" prison?
Posted by E
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The GOP and God, oh my!
I always had the idea that Republicans were using religious people. Which offended me because I am somewhat religious. Anyway, this article is a little proof of that.

Posted by E
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Men of the Week: SHAGADELIC
Trent Vanegas
Philip Seymour Hoffman
Juan (of "Juan's Window" fame)

Snippet from Stiles: DAMN DAME
"She could fart and get a nomination." -on Judy Dench's 426,347,832 Oscar nods

Oscars: SNOOZE
Was really fighting to stay with it through best animated short, sound editing, etc. Eventually fell asleep during the performance of the Crash song (aka the "it" suicide song of 2006), then woke up again for the last few awards. Some thoughts:

1. What the EFF was on Charlize Theron's shoulder?

2. Did anyone think Beyonce's Loreal commercial where she wore graffiti-colored eyeshadow was actually attractive?

3. Larry McMurtry and Roger Ebert: Separated at birth?

4. The conclusion of Ang Lee's acceptance speech (which he said in Chinese) translates to "Thanks to everyone for caring".

Too bad they didn't care enough to vote Brokeback for best picture. "Years from now, Crash will be high on the list of most medicore movies to win best picture," wrote my fave film critic.

5. It's hard out here for a pimp.
Posted by E
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Is That The Lebanese Flag?
The boyfriend hasn't blogged since the beginning of the year, and I don't think he's noticed. I have. His blog was my source of national news* so I'm a little lost lately. People have been mentioning some "ports deal" and saying "United Arab Emirates" a lot, and I can't seem to figure out why...

Speaking of the UAE, Matty thinks the state flag of South Carolina looks more like that of an Arab nation. We certainly have the whole crescent moon thing going on.

*I WOULD read my NY Times, but don't even get me started on that again.
Posted by E
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The Soles of My Shoes, They Point Me Out of Town
I've been grounded here in S-burg for at least the last month, and it's been enough to drive me into nightly Girl Scout cookie-induced stupors. (I've discovered the "Thanks-A-Lot" cookies this year, to supplement the old standbys.)

Will head to Houston this weekend, where the big livestock show and RODEO is going on. That means the Pink Cowboy Hat may get to make another appearance. Yeeeeeehaaaaaaaw!

Note: If you are interested in 2006 Official Houston Livestock Show and Rodeo Merchandise, I am taking orders. There is a fabulous afghan, or perhaps, this shiny buckle:

Posted by E
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