White Meat

Senator Lindsay Graham (R-South Carolina) and his turkey on Monday. Doesn't he look so happy and gay? Posted by Hello
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In the Bunkers with the Golden Bear
Today at "work" Chip and I followed around this guy Jack Nicklaus and this other guy Kevin Costner for a round of golf. Jack christened the new course he designed, and starting tomorrow the likes of Cheech Marin and Dan Quayle will play it as part of the BMW Charity Pro-Am.
But today, only Jack and Kevin teed it up. And that Jack, he's like, good at golf!
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Finally, Some Awards I Actually Care About
The finalists have been announced for Wonkette's Inside the Bubble Washington Journalism Awards! Among the categories, "Best Looking Below the Waist," "Sam Donaldson Award for Most Overrated", and my personal favorite, "Best White House Correspondent to Get Drunk with in Waco".
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Crisis, Fiscus has no access to cable or cable internet. There's some sort of (temporary)outtage in her area. Because of this, she cannot blog, but more importantly, she missed The Fabulous Life of Britney and Kevin on VH1.
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Quote of the Day
"I am really scared of African men with machetes." -Mateo
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The Real Joementum

Who HASN'T had fun watching Senator Biden spaz out over the Bolton nomination? I've traded much of my midday TBS viewing this week to catch Joe on C-SPAN instead. So you can imagine how excited I was to cover him in Columbia, SC, where he came to speak at the State Democratic Convention.
But alas, plans were thwarted when high winds ripped a roof off a downtown building and it wound up in the middle of a street. Random.Posted by Hello
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Coping with Loss
Chip and I lost something important to his life and my livelihood. Let's call it our "binky". The binky is Chip's responsibility, but I am responsible for its disappearance/possible crushing/likely theft. Meltdowns abound. Updates to come.
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Pollen Nation
Dude I'm taking three allergy medications and still I'm in allergy H____. (Hint: It's the choice that rhymes with bell, shell, smell.) What is going on here?

Consumer Products I Want Eradicated
Raspberry-flavored water
The Walmart "Faded Glory" line
Citrus-flavored Crest toothpaste (Took a free tube at a hotel once, but tossed it once I saw my orange spit in the sink)

Consumer Products I Want
The suddenly ubiquitous "Vote for Pedro" T-shirt
A box of Klondike Choco Tacos would be nice
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What the H______?
Chip and I were wandering down the hall at a local high school when a janitor asked us what we were doing. Unable to help us, he handed us two business cards instead.

On one side:
"91.1 FM

On the other:
"If I die tonight my soul will be in H__________ tomorrow morning?

If you are not sure - tune to the radio station whose frequency is on ther other side of this card!"

I was never a fan of the fill-in-the-blank.
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Re: Britney's Baby
I'm glad all my "fake tabloid" reading has paid off. Now the non-fake news agencies have confirmed what the "fake tabloids" have been reporting all along. Way to go US Weekly, et al.
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The Washington Weekend, in Quotes
"I can't get restful sleep every night because if someone gets a fork stuck in his eye at three a.m., I have to go. THAT's my reality." -Opthamologist Jerry, on why he oversleeps on the weekends

"I would have stayed but 4 people is kind of a cock block." -Fiscus, via text message, because otherwise she would have spelled out "four"

"Basically, right now, I have a 300 million dollar government secret in my trunk." -Cousin Cary, on some computer program he designed for the Census

"We were in South Carolina, and this Pastor was endorsing Lieberman on the radio. And he goes, 'Joe Lieberman, he's a man of faith. He believes in Jesus Christ.' And I was like, well, uh, not exactly..." -Press Secretary Adam, on the various campaign faux pas during Joementum 2004

"Okay. Which episode is this one from?" -Sudeep, quizzing Fiscus over which songs are in which West Wing episodes
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Re: The Rat Infestation
Steve the Terminix man came to visit and surveyed the office. Says the best option is NOT to bring in my manly cats, but to use something he called "condos". They are essentially covered mousetraps, designed to lure and catch rodents without actually having to see what's been trapped.

Hollywood for Ugly People
The Fisc and I head to the nation's capitol tomorrow morning. The Deep will be there, too, because he never seems to be at work in Dallas. We will all be on the lookout for famous ugly people.
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If You're Going to Use an Alias...
It's probably not the best idea to use a country as your last name. As in, "Debra Canada" or "Chris Uzbekistan" or, I don't know, "Ron Mexico", a la Michael Vick.
Quote of the Day, from Colin Cowherd:
"Having unprotected sex, under the alias "Ron Mexico", while infected with herpes, has got to be the NFL equivalent of a five interception game."
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Sheer Terror
I didn't think keeping ketchup packets in my desk drawer was going to be an issue, until I found empty ketchup packets - punctuated by little bite marks - in my desk drawer. Now I can't sleep.
I haven't seen for myself the little bastards eating my condiments, but the very threat they could come after me during daylight hours is enough to want to quit my job.
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Fight, Illini
Although, this could be bad for me. If Carolina loses, Chip's likely going to off himself and then I'm going to end up without a photographer. But that Bruce Weber just brings me unending joy. What a jolly man.
And I love the orange blazer! So hot.

US Drives Her Craaazy, She Just Can't Sleep... STOP!
So Britney's taking a stand against tabloid journalism and its notion of "accuracy". They keep saying she's pregnant or she's gorging on food or her deadbeat husband is cheating on her.*

In an open letter, she writes:
"Do you, Us Weekly, In Touch, Star and other desperate magazines want employees who are honest, or those who are liars?"

She wonders if the "false tabloids" are just projecting:
"Is it that you are 50 pounds overweight? Or is it maybe that your husband or boyfriend is cheating on you?"

She then goes on to note that she LOVES People magazine.

*Two out of three ain't bad.
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Fun with Obit Mix-and-Match
Courtesy of J to the LA:
If Cochran was arguing the Schiavo case before the Supreme Court...
"If she makes a blurt...you must re-insert."
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