Homie Say What???
Perhaps Kevin Federline is so much smarter than the rest of us that he speaks in his own, higher-level language that those of us with small brains can never hope to understand. In a note to his MySpace friends:

My first single "PopoZao" is dropping on midnight New Year's Eve... Check it out EXCLUSIVELY on yahoo.com.

Popo WHAT? That sounds like some sort of Thai dish. As in, could I get an order of PopoZao with rice? But let's be honest. I don't know what PopoZao is, proving Kevin Federline is some sort of linguistic genius and I will never fully understand the wonder that is his creative mind.

2005: A Jack Look Back
We said goodbye to Terri, Tookie, and (probably) Natalee. Mama Nature ripped us a new one, The Newlyweds became barely-weds, and Evan Bayh ran away with Hottest US Senator (Not Counting Barack Obama). Oh, twenty-oh-five. Don't let the door hit ya. 2005 through my eyes:

Noteworthy Discoveries: Rolaids Soft Chews (Vanilla flavor), Hollywood Video, The Colbert Report

Major Disappointments: Chip moving on, The New York Times Home Delivery

New Experiences: The Daytona 500. China. KKK cross burning.

The WTF Award: The Chocolate Syrup Spectacular

Worst Song on Radio: Hands down, Nickelback's "Photograph"

Biggest Tool of 2005: It's a tie. Scott "What you're trying to do is engage in the blame gaming" McClellan AND Kevin Federline. More lyrics to his song "Y'all Ain't Ready":

...Well maybe, baby, you could wait and see
Until then all these Pavarattis followin' me

Um, does he mean paparazzi??? Gawd.

Related: The 2004 Year in Review


What is This White Stuff?



I'm home in St. Louis, where it snowed overnight. Here's Saidee, about to turn the snow a light shade of yellow.

When Melanoma Makes You A Hot Senator
(Photo from today's WashPo)



Stiles, on McCain's lopsided face: "If you were beaten by the North Vietnamese and left to sunburn for five years you'd probably get facial cancer, too."

The End
After a tumultuous two-year relationship, I broke up with my New York Times subscription. This is a painful and difficult time. But I think it was for the best. He kept standing me up.

Many a Man of the Week
Congressman John Dingell
Superintendent Doug Otto
Lil' Otis, who has his mom back
Duke Power dudes, trying to get much of Upstate SC's lights back on

Inspirational Quote from Film or TV: Drug Dealer Edition
"I'll do what I can to help y'all. But, the game's out there, and it's play or get played. That simple." -"Omar Little" in HBO's The Wire

Support A Cause
Save the McRib. Because what's a world without slabs of boneless pork dressed up to look like they have bones?

Divorce Kevin. So many good reasons to support this one. Take a stand against socks with flip flops, freeloading, and really, reeeeally bad rapping. Don't believe me? A snippet of K-Fed's single, "Y'all Ain't Ready":

My prediction is that y'all are gonna hate
On the style we create, straight 2008

Enough said. Make a difference.

Bill O'Reilly Said Something UNTRUE?! NOOOOOO!!!!
This one I'm taking personally. The other night on The O'Reilly Factor, our pal Bill decided to use my old school district - Plano ISD - as proof there's a War Against Christmas:

In Plano, Texas, a school told students they couldn't wear red and green because they are Christmas colors. That's flat-out fascism.

Props to Superintendent Doug Otto, for fighting back in the War Against O'Reilly:

Our attorney requested of Mr. O'Reilly that, in the future, he ask his fact checkers to do a more thorough job of confirming the facts before he airs them.

I Keep My Heat At 72, And I'm Okay With That
For reasons I still don't think he's made clear, my friend The Deep decided to forgo heat for a week as Dallas temperatures dropped to the teens. It's not about saving money. I think his reasons have to do with the greater good, but if he's turning off his heat, and I'm cranking mine up, in the scheme of things, he's made zero headway in helping the greater good, right?

Men of the Week: The Fictional Character Edition
Jimmy McNulty
Tommy Gavin
My NY Times Delivery Man (clearly fictional)

Na Na Nuh
Question. What does "laffy taffy" mean when preceded by "Shake your..."???

This is the same confusion I faced when "My milkshake brings all the boys to the yard..." rode the airwaves and no one could tell me what "milkshake" meant.

Merry Christmas Party Musings
Management at my fair station hosted The Ol' Company Christmas Holiday Party this weekend. Quick overview:

-On our drive to Greenville, we tuned into one of those all Christmas music stations. Did the artistic geniuses of Wham bring us "Last Christmas, I gave you my heart..."? We couldn't remember.

-Photographers in ties?!?!

-For those of you who have seen Lost in Translation: Remember that hotel band, "Sausalito", with the redheaded singer who Bill Murray banged?
Picture Sausalito, only a shade more country, and you've got our live entertainment for the night.

-I liked the chicken. Matty preferred the meatballs.

-Scored some free drink tickets from people leaving early. Party ended too early to actually use them all. Or, I suppose I could have sucked those babies down a little faster.

-Visited a Greenville watering hole and the home of Otis and Mrs. Otis before calling it a night. Apparently by the time we arrived we had just missed some sort of obscure drama. Perfect timing, I say.

-Stiles and I's traditional 4am drunken trip to Whataburger couldn't happen, because, well, there aren't Whataburgers here. Probably better off.

We Shall Overcome
On day three of the boycott, still no New York Times. That's okay. Bringing down a large organization like the Times usually takes awhile. We must remain resolute.

Now for Men of the Week
Stiles, for spackling my wall
Vikas Bajaj, dissed by Rush Limbaugh (who apparently calls himself "America's Anchor". I had no idea.)
Bobby Bowden
Otis, birthday boy

Inspiration Brought to You by Initech
Samir: No one in this country can ever pronounce my name right. It's not that hard: Na-ee-ana-jaad. Nayanajaad.
Michael Bolton: Yeah, well at least your name isn't Michael Bolton.
Samir: You know there's nothing wrong with that name.
Michael Bolton: There was nothing wrong with it... until that no-talent ass clown became famous and started winning Grammys.

Let's Start A Nationwide Boycott of the NY Times
Thomas here again.

I feel really bad hearing about the problems Jack is having with receiving her New York Times. Especially since the last few weeks have had some really awesome stories.

Anybody up for canceling their subscriptions?

I have to run. Haven't read the Friday Times yet.

Ignored by the Gray Lady
From a commercial that just played on MSNBC:
"It gives me an edge"
"It opens my eyes"
"You're always getting something new"
"There's something for everyone in the New York Times"

Well, I am clearly missing my edge, getting nothing new and unable to open my eyes because I'm still not getting my newspapers. Haven't gotten a response to my THIRD inquiry about why I am paying for papers that don't get delivered. Anyone know how to reach the head of circulation? Jack is about to throw down.