Bauer Bounces Back... Again

SC Lt. Guvnah Andre Bauer is a guy who uses the word "super", but not ironically. He's a guy who likes to drive fast and fly planes, though he seems to get into trouble for both. He's a guy who barely survived physical death... and now he's barely survived political death... more than once.

I don't know quite what to make of him. I can't help but wonder if he's Powder. Remember Powder? Maybe, like Powder, Bauer was struck by lightning before he was born and now he has mysterious powers. Only Bauer's power is the ability to come back from near self destruction.
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Man Oh Men 'O The Week
Jason Graham, now a Washingtonian
Aaron Spelling, headed to the Melrose Place in the sky
Dwyane Wade, why must the "y" come before the "a"?
Indian Guy who sold Roger his Saturn

Snippet 'O The Week: Stiles Goes To The Galleria
"I'm walking by the MAC store right now and it's full of people I don't want to be anywhere near."
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Roger's New Ride
RH: Yo. Uh-leese. Guess what I got?
EH: A new car. What is it?
RH: Lexus IS 2006. I'm on the road again!
EH: Where'd you get the money for that?
RH: Signing bonus.
EH: You don't even have a real job.
RH: Okay, it's a used Saturn with 70,000 miles on it. But I pretend it's a Lexus. I bought it from an Indian guy for two grand. He said the curry car scent was free.
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Can't Resist
One more Computer Assisted Reporting pickup line:
“If I could do a customized data-sort of the alphabet, I would put I and U together.” -M. Grabe!l
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Lola's First Photoshoot

Introducing Lola Hu-Stiles! She's now a proud Houstonian, breathing in those petrochemical gases like the rest of 'em.

Sure, her style is still a little "mid-nineties waif chic" but there's nothing a little clever accessorizing can't do. She's rockin' her name though. When people ask why I named her Lola, I say, "Who doesn't love a little Barry Manilow?"

Personally, I celebrate that man's entire catalog.
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Dirty Databases
Back from my first IRE conference! After half a week of learning about new advances in computer mapping and how investigations can drive your ratings, the largest group of journalism nerds I've ever seen in one place crowded into a suite to party -- investigative reporter style. We wondered --- do people hook up at IRE as they do at other conventions? If so, the Computer Assisted Reporting related pickup lines must be great...

"Under the [insert name here] information act, I hereby request access to your records."
"Could I merge my PDF into your spreadsheet?"
"Let's play hide the column."

Nerds rule.
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She Was A Showgirl
A stray orange and white tabby kitten found its way to my apartment building this week. She was so cute -- just two pounds -- and clearly didn't have a home. I already have two tyrant cats of my own, so I couldn't keep her. (I can't become THAT girl, you know, the one with three cats.)

So what better option than to pawn her off on Stiles? Her name is Lola, and we're about to board a plane for Texas.

Music and Passion Were Always the Fashion
The 2006 SC Primary has come and gone. We had crews all over Columbia, and I camped out among plates of cheese cubes at a Democratic gubenatorial candidate's victory party.

As usual, the smaller market folks were snobby to us (I can't explain this phenomenon). Also as usual, everything went smoothly until 30 seconds from the live hits, when some technical thing went dangerously wrong only to be fixed w/seconds to spare. (I can't explain this phenomenon either.)
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Men of the Week: Big Texas Edition
Tom Delay, don't let the door hit ya
Ian McAwesome, dinner planner extraordinnaire
WFAA's Why Guy, some great stuff lately
Terrell Owens, tardy much?

Snippet from Stiles: Fractions
EH: So one out of five ain't bad, I guess.
MS: Yeah, that's two-tenths.
(Isn't my man a genius?)
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Grand Theft Auto Update
Well, the cops found Roger's car. Only, it was a shell of its former self. Literally. All the parts were jacked, and the thiefs set the rest of it on fire. Again - seeya later, car.
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Roger's Crime Chronicles

Summer 2004: It sounds like the start of a bad joke. A black guy, Vietnamese guy and a Mexican guy break into my brother's apartment. Roger and his then-girlfriend Tracy come home and find the culture club, I mean, intruders. Roger chases them off with a bread knife.

A few hours later: The culture club comes back. This time, they put a gun to Tracy's head and pin a monkey wrench to Roger's back. They take Roger's car keys in an attempt to steal the car. Tucson Police happened to be on its way to respond to Roger's first call. The imminent arrival of the cops scares the bad guys, who leave the car and the scene. They were never caught.

Fall 2004: Tracy's car is stolen. Some parts are returned via theft recovery.

Early 2005: Roger buys large club that locks steering wheel.

Monday: Roger's much coveted car is broken into in his new apartment complex's parking lot.

Yesterday: The car is finally successfully stolen. Guess the club didn't work. Seeya later, car. Roger is okay, he says he's sort of used to this stuff.
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Breaking Up Is Hard To Watch
If only SNL character Linda Richman was still hosting Coffee Talk. "Jennifer Anniston and Vince Vaughn's romantic comedy, The Break-Up, is neither romantic nor a comedy. Discuss."
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Nugget Sauce Nazis

No Sweet and Sour for me? When did this happen?
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Now for This Week's Men of The Week...
Matt Lauer
Dirk Nowitzky
Chris Fink
Bruno the dog

And the Stiles Snippet...
"So I got some good souvenirs. I got a pin that's shaped like a bone. And some postcards with skeletons on it." -on the goodies inside the gift shop at The Houston Museum of Natural Science
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The West Wing May Be Over, But its Influence Lives On
End of Season 3. Charlie tries to wrangle Debbie Fiderer, who used to work for the WH but got fired, to come back and work as President Bartlet's secretary.

CY: How's business?
DF: I'll admit I got off to a rocky start.
CY: What'd you try?
DF: Gambling.
CY: Didn't work out?
DF: No, but all that's changed.
CY: Because now you're...
DF: I'm an alpaca farmer.
CY: Are you serious?
DF: It's the world's finest livestock investment, Charlie.
CY: You're talking about those sheep they show on late night TV?
DF: Well, they're alpacas, and if you knew that you'd know that the textiles made from their fiber are coveted by the best fashion houses.
CY: You swallowed a brochure?

Fast Forward Four Years... To This Week's St. Pete Times, via Poynter's Al's Morning Meeting

Alpacas: The New Big-Money Farming Fad
A decade or so ago, you might recall, everybody and their uncle was raising ostriches and emus. Now, watch for alpaca farming. Poynter's St. Petersburg Times produced an
interesting story
about folks who are paying megabucks for breeding stock. They call it "an investment they can hug."

That Aaron Sorkin. Always ahead of the curve.
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Why Fox News is Ruining The Modern World, Reason # 34,278,943
Leave it to Fox's John Gibson (the guy who claims there's a "war on Christmas") to rationalize the massacre of dozens of Iraqi civilians at the hands of US Marines.

On Haditha: “If Iraqis know their own history, they know massacres have been committed in Iraq by warring parties from millennia piled on millennia. This is the part of the world that was in on the massacre game early.”

So, let me get this straight. Since they were, um, "in on the massacre game early", it's cool for dozens of them to get killed for no particular reason? That sounds WHACK to me. But what do I know. I'm just a member of the "liberal media".
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