Your Weekly Dose of Pop Culture Inspiration
"Moisture is the essence of wetness, and wetness is the essence of beauty." -Derek Zoolander

Men, Men, Men of the Week
Chuck Norris
Stephen from MTV's "Laguna Beach"
Gray Davis (Oh hell, why not?)
And let's not forget This Guy
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Enough Already, Chuck Norris!
Okay, the Chuck Norris series "Walker, Texas Ranger" ran from 1993 to 2001, and that was about eight years too long. But to my GREAT dismay, crews are shooting for a new Walker episode or movie or something!

Internal memo from a Dallas employer that shall remain nameless:
You may have noticed several police cars at the intersection of Houston and Young streets. The cast and crew of Walker Texas Ranger is filming a segment on the bridge and in the Reunion garage. Nothing to worry about.

Mr. Stiles' response to aforementioned memo:
Walker Texas Ranger = Plenty to Worry About.
Posted by E
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Notes from H-Town
Spent the weekend in Houston, thanks to a cheap last-minute fare. Briefly:

Stiles and I went to this place called Dessert Gallery and gorged on some cakes. While there, we played Upwords. It's like Scrabble, only you can make words by stacking letters on top of each other. Stiles created some real high-scoring words like "OR" and "ME". Oh, and "BUICK".

The next day, we tried to go to the beach. I was looking for the ocean, but instead I found this unending brown, chocolate-milk-looking liquid and some oil rigs on the horizon.

On our way back, we stopped at Luby's Cafeteria. (For my Southern friends, it's like Piccadilly, only without as many bread options.)

Matt: Could I have a Caesar salad please?
Server: Sure.
[Starts putting some pieces of romaine in a bowl and sprinkles with cheese, then hands to Matt]
Matt: Isn't there Caesar dressing?
Server: We only have Ranch, Italian and Thousand Island.
Matt: But I ordered a Caesar salad.
Server: We only have Ranch, Italian and Thousand Island.
Matt: That's not a Caesar salad.
Server: Which dressing do you want?
Posted by E
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Inspirational Quote from Film or Television Time!
[Playback on monitor]
Reluctant Interviewee: Fuck, fuck, fuck, fuck, fuck. Can you use that?
Aaron Altman: Depends on how slow a news day it is.
-from Broadcast News, by James Brooks

Manly Men of the Week
Vince Vaughn ("We lost a lot of good men out there.")
Mr. Stiles
Nigel Robertson (man enough to have a baby shower)
Will Folks, SC Governor Mark Sanford's (former) press secretary. A big week for Will, who resigned his post midweek to write a book, and over the weekend got charged with criminal domestic violence.
Posted by E
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Can't Beat the Heat
All right, so we all know my office building is about one strong thunderstorm short of blowing over. But we've carved our own little niche out here in the 'burg, and for awhile, things were going quite well.
Today, things took a painful turn for the worse. In fact, Scott calls it his "worst fear realized". THE AC WENT OUT, and we don't know when it's coming back.
Posted by E
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Let's Play A Game
Who belongs to these socks trapped in flip-flops?
It's like having a wedgie on your feet.
Hint: You probably know who he is, but you're sorry you do.
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Groaner of the Day
As if the pharmaceutical industry wasn't this huge, bloated monster already, now they tell us one in ten Americans is afflicted with "Restless Leg Syndrome"?!?! I was going to give them "Adult ADD" to be nice. But WTF. Restless Leg Syndrome? COME ON, GlaxoSmithKline.
Posted by E
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Inspirational Quote for the Workweek
A strong dose of inspiration:
"So I was sitting in my cubicle today, and I realized, ever since I started working, every single day of my life has been worse than the day before it. So that means that every single day that you see me, that's on the worst day of my life." - Ron Livingston in Mike Judge's Office Space (quite possibly the best movie of all time)

Macho, Macho Men of the Week
Fareed Zakaria
Cheese Stiles
Anonymous Website Creator Dan
Harry Potter (Perhaps you've heard of him)
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Terrible Twos
Almost forgot to wish my man's horizontally challenged feline, The Cheese, Happy 2nd Birthday! Here's a nice shot of Cheese on his perch.
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Questionable Career Choices
I love, love, LOVE Mark Ruffalo. But in his new movie his character falls in love with the spirit of a comatose woman and he fights to keep her on life support. No, seriously, that's what it's about.
Is this some twisted attempt to cash-in on the Schiavo frenzy? Because that's just tacky.

Countdown with Jack Foley
Days until the end of sweeps: 12
Days until Minneapolis convention: 33
Days until my first trip to The Motherland (China): 62
Posted by E
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Places I Don't Want to Visit
Well, Waco, Texas used to top this list. I lived there for ten months of my life that I'll never get back. Though John Cr@ven once said, "If you have one year to live, spend it in Waco -- because every day is like a @#$ing eternity."

Okay, so we've established Waco isn't an ideal tourist destination. But I think Nuevo Laredo, Mexico is worse. There have been so many kidnappings and murders by prominent drug cartels there that locals actually have Spanish words for:
-- Someone who's been tortured to death and had his head wrapped in duct tape
-- A cadaver wrapped in a blanket and dumped
-- A body left to rot in the trunk of a car

I learned from experience that Waco tops mid-sized cities in property theft crime, but at least I survived The Great Burglary of 2004 with my head intact.
Posted by E
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Why You Should Ask Your Friends About Their Families More Often
Me: fareed zakaria
Me: wrote an excellent piece on the rise of china for newsweek a coupla weeks ago
Naufil 2004: he's my uncle
Naufil 2004: :-)
Me: he's your real uncle?
Naufil 2004: yeah
Naufil 2004: we consider him a bit liberal
Naufil 2004: but he writes very well
Posted by E
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Men of the Week Strikes Back
Representative Doug Smith
Senator Evan Bayh
Perez Hilton
Sheriff Chuck Wr!ght, who's county has been homicide free for almost one week

Inspiration for the Upcoming Week
"I like to answer to people, I don't want to create. When I get a thought in my head I like it to die right there." -"Dana Whitaker" in Aaron Sorkin's Sports Night
Posted by E
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Terror in the Skies
Ever been in the very last seat of a plane? Like, the one that's so close to the lavatory that you can stick your hand in it? The seat where people waiting for the bathroom have to invade as they wait?
This guy got stuck in 29E. You should really read his entire complaint letter, but for those too lazy to click, some choice excerpts:

Putting a seat here was a very bad idea. I just heard a man GROAN in there. THIS SUCKS!

I constructed a stink-shield by shoving one end of a blanket into the overhead compartment. While effective in blocking at least some of the smell... the-ass-on-my-body-factor has increased...
Posted by E
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House Speakers Pro Tem Are People, Too

Our Speaker Pro Tem was nice enough to help Chip with his groceries. See, we know Doug fairly well from covering the statehouse.
Chip recently went under the knife for his knee, and found himself hobbling around his local grocery store.
That's when Chip saw Doug, and Doug saw Chip. Doug was on the phone, but they shared a moment of recognition in the checkout aisle. After Doug purchased his Coors Light and Stouffer's frozen dinners, he found Chip in the parking lot and helped Chip load all his groceries. (While he continued chatting on his cellphone, of course.)
Posted by E
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Does it Get Any Better?
...Than Rosie O'Donnell, blogging about CNN's Aaron Brown, in haiku? Methinks not.

what happened to newsnight
with aaron brown
no more whip ?
i loved the whip
around the WORLD
reminding us all
we are part of something bigger
as a nation

seems like aaron
has been hi jacked
now he throws to some
pretty blonde thing
who reads the
“news” in a studio
down the hall
she throws back
to him

aaron brown
what the hell happened
he had such a strong voice
a presence
there was a standard on
his show
Posted by E
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Widely Imitated, Never Duplicated
Remember the 67 Degrees franchise, "Men of the Week"? I retired it sometime last summer, deciding it required too much blogging discipline. It was then picked up by my man (no qualifier), who changed it into his own "Women of the Week" franchise.
Sunday, we're bringing back MOTW. I might also add a new feature, "Inspirational Quote of the Week from a Movie or TV Show". Suggestions welcome.
Posted by E
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That's Hot
Finally, an end to the suspense. A Hottest US Senator Not Counting Obama has been named.

In Local News...
Five homicides in my county in eleven days. Last night's victim was strangled, then beaten to death with a golf club. Then, her boyfriend (the one who's charged with the murder) left her in a plastic bag in his closet as he invited friends over for a cookout. Hey, it was July Fourth.
Posted by E
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Where Are They Now?
Mizzou pal Rebecc@ Sol@kian, better known as "Beckysolakian!", is in the hizzouse. She drove down from Kentucky for a weekend visit. Happy reunion, la la la.
What we want to know is, what happened to Sharra Klug, the chick who, among other things, insisted she was a witch and cast spells on you when you passed her in the hallway?
Posted by E
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